Starting the Journey in Loving Myself

Ok, so this type of article has been published before, like a million times before. I would show you examples but like any self-centered teenager, I really want you to stay on my blog and read my rambling thoughts.
Ok so let us get something straight. I’m told I’m pretty, but I don’t feel pretty. My friends are super pretty and have the Facebook likes and comments to prove it (not to mention one of them is dating a super hot older foreign guy right now and I barely ever see mine) and I…don’t (have numerous Facebook likes and comments). Even my “best” guy friend said they were prettier. Guys, take note. Never tell a girl that someone else is prettier, especially not a girl you’d like to sleep with. Just a thought. Just putting it out there.
Let me tell you something: I will never admit to myself that being Pretty is not important, that it’s OK to not be as gorgeous as your closest friend and that Beauty isn’t going to last forever. Whenever I do tell myself this: it ends with me screaming into a pillow that I don’t deserve to soil people’s eyes with my Ugliness.
Jesus Christ, my little pity party is getting out of control. Reeeboottt….
Yup, my lack of Self Esteem is seriously hurting me. Like, who else would be up at 2 am hoping to die and be reborn as a mini Scarlett Johansson? I’m pretty (he-he pun not intended) sure that no one has that low of self-worth, and if they do (like me) they need help. Maybe we can all go down to Starbucks and bitch about our thighs, our acne and our faces? Like seriously. I could use a little therapy carbs.
But in all seriousness though, not only is my self esteem hurting me but it’s also hurting my friendships. Nope, not joking.
A couple of days ago I was feeling like shit and I was talking to my pretty friend and we were talking about sparkly dresses we saw at the mall (I know, I’m such a teenager). She was saying that she absolutely loved how a certain dress looked on her and I just randomly blurt out, “Of course it looks amazing on you. You’re fucking gorgeous. You know, everything I’m not.” I wanted to cry at my shame. Did I just seriously say that? To a friend?
It took several seconds and then she said, “You know you’re gorgeous.”
I go, “No I’m not,” I mumbled, blushing even as I said it. I was happy, because well when a Pretty person says you’re gorgeous, you kinda have to believe it.
“I don’t lie, you’re gorgeous as well.”
“Uh-huh,” I mumble again. It got awkward fast and we moved on to making fun of our teachers. See what I mean though? I enjoy my friendships and my self worth sucks and that will be the downfall of the most fulfilling female friendships I’ve had in a long time (never mind that I’m in high school, that’s really not the point). I don’t want to lose them. So then I got my epiphany, or whatever you name it.
We focus so much on “perfect” beauty that we are conditioned to believe that only perfect people are beautiful. Well that is false. As of today.
So before we dismantle what we think is beauty, let’s think of what is ugly. Lack of symmetry comes to mind, as well as a less-than perfect complexion, not tall, no long legs, smaller or weathered breasts. And what is beauty? Big eyes, being tall (but not taller than a man, because remember: men made these rules), super innocent looking eyes, blue eyes and mostly long hair but super straight. Basically, perfection. And ugliness, is HUMAN.
So there it is folks: being imperfectly human is now being ugly. Think about it. We’re human and we have discolorations and zits and sometimes, we look (almost) perfect. We’re flawed but society teaches us not to be, and in order to be beautiful, we have to match a certain type. But look around you: how many women look like that without plastic surgery or makeup? Almost no one. Sure, the perfect looking people are considered beautiful,but how much of it was born with them?
Look I’m not saying that I suddenly began to love how I look but we really need to start accepting imperfection as beauty. I don’t have perfect skin or thighs or boobs, but I’m hoping that while we consider blotches on skin as automatically ugly, we will see that this particular person is still Pretty. I’ll still think that I’m not as Pretty as my friends but hopefully, I’ll see that I’m just as pretty as them. Yes, it’s going to be a long journey but so is life and things will set you back.
To wrap up this whole thing: If you really want to start feeling pretty, don’t put on makeup, don’t diet (unless for a health issue), don’t pile on the skin cream (again unless for health reasons) because then you’re aiming for this perfection that doesn’t exist. That’s my view but if you love makeup, then knock yourself out.
I’m not perfect, but neither are my friends. If we all start saying that we’re perfect, then really we’re all boring and the same. And that, my friends is a flaw.
Imperfection makes us all equal and beautiful. So, if you’re stuck like me crying at 2 am, remember that imperfection is what makes you human and beautiful.

PS: Yes, this is my second time posting today. And no, I’m not going to turn out like Thought Catalog. At least, I hope not.

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