What I learned after Volunteering for 5 hours

Well, I completed my volunteering requirements (5 hours) yesterday. I did the Feed My Starving Children for two hours, went to dance class, went home and then went with my friends to PADS, which is a shelter organization to feed homeless people. That was three hours. So while I have many life lessons to learn if I would like to continue and to grow and to be a productive member of society, I still learned something, and I’m pretty sure these lessons will help me on the long run. Will I continue to make the same mistakes? Definitely. Will I learn to stop bragging on this blog? Nope, I’m too much of an attention whore to do that. But for now, here are the lessons that I learned so far from volunteering.

1. Volunteering gives you some perspective on how lucky you are.
When I was at Feed My Starving Children, there were more families and little kids within those families than I cared to count. Wherever I looked, there was a family with young children, and they were the only ones who actually came here without the need to get a form signed. When I was labeling the food bags, I was talking to a woman who said that she always brought her kids to make them appreciate what they had. She had mentioned that her kids were complaining about being hungry and that she told them that now they know how the poor starving kids were feeling. That was pretty profound for me because no matter how bad things are, my parents still have enough money for always having food in the house, and even to go shopping almost every week. That kind of shit makes me feel really guilty, and trust me, I hate feeling guilty. What also made me feel guilty, is that I’m just now starting to volunteer, and with another annoying twinge, it took an assignment to make me do it. So yes, it’s a huge and very needed slap in the face. Still hurts.

2. You will always put your foot in your mouth, and no matter how hard you try you will offend somebody.
At PADS, my friends and I spent most of the time caring for two children. The man who had the baby joked around with us, and I swear to God, every hour I took an unfavorable thought towards children and it raced out of my mouth in two seconds. Thankfully, there were three hours left but I still said at least five things that could be interpreted really badly, and I’m seriously scared to be near any young children again. Did I try very hard to be an amazing babysitter? Well, no, I’m sorry to say. I mostly avoided the whole playing with the child thing because A. I don’t know the child, and B. I hate talking like a baby, and since the child doesn’t belong to me, I have no right talking in that way to a child that does not share my DNA, because I have no idea how his parents raise him. And no matter what you do, people will complain to you about the stuff that you say, even if you’re just a messenger. Case in point, my friends and I picked out three family friendly movies for the people to watch, as is the policy of the charity, and this old man started complaining and blaming me for it, and giving me a lecture about how we worship children too much (to which I sorta agreed) and it really intimidated me. Thankfully, the woman who told us the policy stepped in. But still, the lesson that I learned is this: you will find that people will complain more to the messengers than to the people who make the policies. The thing that pisses me off most is this: I was not as pissed off as I probably should have been, but I shrugged it off. Either I’m growing up or I’m reading way too many customer service horror stories.

And finally (for now) 3. You can never do enough to help.
While this seems a little hopeful, it isn’t for me. Sure, I will most definitely help as much as I possibly can and even let this influence my personal life, I’m wondering if we ever can understand what those people are going through. I was horrified to find a pregnant woman in the line for a meal. You can make the meals, you can take care of the kids, you can donate and you can give out hand outs, what people really need are jobs. And the fact is, our economy sickens me to my very core. These caring people, these people who are made to do with a hot meal for six months and a bed for a night, and can laugh and joke so easily, are in dire need of help that will last more. I wonder if any shelters actually do job training, and I’m wondering if we will stop being so awful as to resort to other countries to make things that could just as well be made in America. I’m seriously wondering how selfish (not only us) a lot of countries are, and the sad thing is, they always were and the biggest changes we can make are through legislation and job creation. But should we give up? Hell no. We need awareness and we need to work hard to make small, but noticeable changes that may not add up too much now, but will in the future, but only if we work hard and care about each other. These words that I’m writing won’t add up to much unless you experienced at least some volunteer work, and these words aren’t terribly original, but in this case, they shouldn’t. People need to realize that caring and cooperation may not be “individual” but they are important to note.

Now, excuse me, there are volunteer sign up sheets with my name on them.


Getting back on the Horse

So it’s been a while since I wrote on here, and sadly, until now I was wayyy too lazy to get back on the horse. I just gave up. Apparently, success doesn’t come on overnight and that’s a really tough lesson to swallow. I’m almost in junior year and I’m still fucking up. I know my major, but not my career of choice besides being a writer. I’m only now just tackling my skin problems, only now starting to legitimately study. But still, I daydream everywhere about the usual, fame and fortune, which is now probably a goal of mine: to make as much money and be as successful as possible. I can’t help but regret that I wasted a whole year without recording anything here, and that all of my attempts of writing some sort of diary went to waste. It’s so hard not to quit, and if you do, it’s so hard to get back out there.
Currently, I’m falling behind in Chinese again. It’s so hard to be motivated, and harder still to care about being motivated. The only thing I care about is watching HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, which is, to use their words, legen-wait for it….DARY! And honestly, Netflix isn’t going anywhere.
I think that I’ve failed, but really, I haven’t, at least not in the way I thought I had. I’m going back to writing, aren’t I? And I’m still writing stories and continuing my work on my novel, despite feeling insecure. and I really really wanna make money, but hey! so does everyone. The point I’m trying to make is that I haven’t failed, and that if I’m trying, then I haven’t failed. Besides, I’m back, aren’t I?

Just an update

WELL HELLO THERE!!! How’s life after two weeks of aimless stalking? I’m great, thank you. And yet, am I? Of course I am! I’m peppy, I’m happy and oh yeah…..I’m going off on a tangent (however the fuck you spell that).
Well, well, well, I’m back, after yes, two goddamn weeks and a day (THE HORROR!!!) of not writing. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know. I was busy with Chinese, Chemistry, English, you know, the works. So after two weeks of possible writing topics for my wonderful fans (awww love you too, fan of books!!), I completely forgot all of them, which is so typical for me but whatever.
So for English class, we have to read this book called Of mice and men and I honest to god hate it. The sad thing is though, we have to write about the characters and do character charts and all of that crap and we can’t discuss it like we did last year with the entire class weighing in. This year, it’s all Google Chrome computers and writing meaningless essays….and my English teacher cracking cynical jokes that get boring really fast. But hey, freedom of choice over here.
I’m not really a big fan of any of my classes anymore, since it’s two months into school and I’m used to everyone by now. It happens a lot with me, you know just getting so super excited and then…..nope.
Well, I have to do homework, so until Sunday!

Do Something Already

Sometimes, when I’m bored, I go up to my room and turn off the lights. I change out of my day clothes and open the windows and light a candle and I stare up at the ceiling and just think. That rarely happens, as I’m wasting out in front of the television or depressingly scroll through my Facebook feed. and so I get to thinking: what is the point of all of this? I mean, we’re all going to die, so it really doesn’t make a difference on how you live your life, but for the sake of argument I will say this: your life matters and how you live it matters.
So why do we care about the car we drive and how many friends we have? If the way you live will make a difference in the world and if you genuinely believe that your life matters, then why in the fucking hell are we sitting around on our asses reading about a friend of a friend of a friends’ latest Sim City ground breaking score? If we think that our lives have purpose and meaning to others: then why are we not doing anything? I think the problem with American society is that we take for granted our place in the world so we don’t really think that we have to work hard to get respect or money. I will say this though: we have a reason to be entitled but for the sake of argument we’ll remove the socioeconomic circumstances.
I can’t stop laughing at how many ways we all waste our lives. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Youtube. They all have a great function, in theory. But in when you take a look what’s going on in the real world practice of various social media, the whole point of it is to advertise yourself, “oh look at me! I’m so sexy,funny,sweet,etc!” We put up a front of being awesome, but we’re not being awesome organically. We stage our lives, wasting them to compete and to be perfect. Our lives matter, but we treat them as a game. We treat them as a sport. “Oh! Let’s try this! Oh! Laura has that shirt, I need to buy it as well.” And when we do volunteer work, it’s only to show off, to make friends (I’m guilty of that…), to put on our resumes that other people will do, and really, just act for the sake of appearances, not because we genuinely want to make people’s passage through Earth easier. That’s one of the reasons why I haven’t volunteered yet. There’s nothing I truly care about yet to really do that. So I’m part of the problem. However, I found several charities that look like I would enjoy helping with, but I think my Government teacher wants us to volunteer for credit, so I’m not sure I’ll enjoy it as much.
I’m not one of those “high and mighty” people who are above my criticism. I’m not. I do nothing, I work on homework, chat on Facebook, write this damn blog. I admit it! I do nothing, and I admit that I’m part of the problem. I’m wasting my life doing things that won’t make me live any longer or make me any happier. I don’t volunteer, I don’t play an active part in my community, I read day and night but it doesn’t benefit society.
So the point of this post?
DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!! Become educated, and become passionate. Talk, make networks that you cherish and GET OFF OF FACEBOOK!!! Just don’t even think about clicking that log-in button. Don’t freaking advertise yourself everywhere unless you genuinely want to get people into your organization. Don’t put something on an application unless you genuinely care about what you are doing.
Don’t waste your time/life documenting your existence. It’s boring anyway.

What is it like to die?

I wonder what’s it’s like to die.
To know you will never see the sun again
To know that you will never laugh
Nor cry
Nor smile at another’s love and happiness
I wonder what’s it’s like to say good-bye
And know that they will be the last words you’ll ever say
I wonder if I’ll be sad when it’s time for me to go
Or content because I served my purpose
Will I have regrets?
Or will I just have happy memories
Of love
Of happiness
Of desire…
Is there life after death?
And if there is, what will I find?
And if there isn’t:
Where will I go?
Will my soul just drift throughout remaining time
Will it be wedged into someone else?
Will I remember anything that occurred in the short time I lived?
Or will it be faded into memory, into the abyss of history?